If I could go back in time and change anything about how I raised each one of my puppies (and believe me, there are plenty of things I would change!) I would make sure my primary focus was on understanding, respecting, and embracing who they are. That’s why I’m writing this, so that you can learn from my mistakes. 🙂
My greatest guilt is about my second dog as an adult, Reese, a tri-colored Rough Collie puppy. At the time I had a four-year-old Collie named Elsa. Elsa was my “heart dog,” or however you’d like to label those dogs that just touch you in a way that other dogs don’t. When I visited the breeder for a new puppy, I told her I wanted “another Elsa.” Well, Baby Reese demonstrated to me that she wasn’t another Elsa. She was quirky and independent and easily distracted. I spent an hour with her, decided I didn’t want her, and left the breeder’s house without her. But after eating lunch nearby, I thought what the heck, all puppies are great, and I returned and brought Reese home.
I spent the next eleven years comparing Reese to Elsa. I’d like to think that because I grew up in a family where my siblings and I were compared to each other often, I had the natural tendency to do this. But who knows. Needless to say, Reese was never smart enough, driven enough, quiet enough (girl loved to bark!) or special enough. And because of that, I never helped Reese live up to her full potential. When it came to training, classes, and competing, I always picked Elsa as my partner and left Reese at home.
The day after Elsa passed, I went for a hike in the woods with my four other dogs. Elsa had been hiking right up to the day before she died, but she walked very slowly. Reese always stayed right beside her, or would stop to let her catch up. One of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life was watching Reese during that first hike after losing Elsa. She walked slowly and far behind us, stopping frequently to scan and look behind her. She was looking for our Elsa.
What an amazing soul. And it took that moment for me to realize it.
Now, at this point you may think that I am a terrible person for constantly comparing Reese to Elsa, so let me clarify that Reese had an amazing life : ). Those two came everywhere with me: on my daily 8–10 dog walks as a dog walker, weekends at the beach or the lake, playing with other dogs in the play groups at my facility, helping out at group classes and community demos. Family cookouts, dog events, and more. Her life was great. I just didn’t appreciate her enough to see who she truly was.
The thing about Reese that I struggled with was that she wasn’t the intentional learner that Elsa was. Elsa learned things fast and well. She excelled in the ring and in my training room. She was that classic “first dog” that makes you look really really good and gets you hooked on sports. And also made me confidently feel like the world’s best trainer! Reese, on the other hand, required clean mechanics, clarity, and really good training. Guess what? I wasn’t that trainer, yet! But instead I blamed her learning challenges on her temperament, not on my training abilities.
About six months after Elsa passed, my husband and I brought our four dogs to a Happy Ratters trial (kind of like an urban-style Barn Hunt.) Reese, at nearly twelve years old, came away with more blue ribbons than any other dog at the trial. A few months later after I began teaching her Nose Work, she brought me to tears when she got her ORT. I had finally understood just how amazingly special she was and embraced her strengths and passions.
So what does this all have to do with your puppy? Most of us are looking for certain qualities in our new puppies. We feel confident in our training and we’ve learned which sports we really enjoy competing in. We pick the breed and pedigree that align with our goals. We read all the current books and come up with a plan. And we bring that puppy home and begin to implement that plan to reach our goals.
I now do this in reverse. I bring my puppy home, and I discover who she is. I give her time to bond with me, to explore, to show me her likes and dislikes and preferences and needs. I support her where she might need support, and give her space when she can handle it. And I allow her to determine what her future will be. Me? I’m just along for the ride. My puppies join my family so that they can become the very best that they can be, regardless of whatever goals I may tentatively have for them. At some point, my puppy shows me what she would enjoy doing with her life. Maybe it’s to compete in a number of sports, or maybe it’s just to enjoy a daily hike. Either way, I’m here to provide her those opportunities, learn everything I can from her, and embrace the special individual that she is.
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